A solemn imprint of ruin
locked within an echoing prison
mending the fabrics of time
it's stored within halls
halls of misery slowly crumbling
concealing secrets within the layers
displaying vast rays of emotions
gleaming vibrancy of colors
illuminating the darkened souls
as time slowly progresses
still the echoes play part
joyfully dancing among foliage
portraying the memories of old
in arrays of maroon
adorning this resonating hearth
as smog rises through smokestack
the echoes reside along
seeping into a lifeless gorge
altering this hell-bent land
creating supple and lush fertility
bearing fruit of miraculous dreams.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thanks for the support, done just that, added a more elaborate for those recommended.
Thanks again.
Vocabulary was beautiful. Word choice amazing. Keep using those gorgeous words of yours!
I had just a few suggestions:
I love the image of slowly crumbling, but I think you can be more precise in the last line. 'Hiding' seems blunt compared to your other words, Perhaps 'concealing secrets within (perhaps an adjective like dismal here) the layers'.
'in arrays of maroon' I absolute love that. But this is the 2nd time you've used the word 'locked' and I know there are better words for locked, so brainstorm and consider finding another word to mitigate repetition
Besides those few, nitpicky things, this was fantasic and enjoyable to read. Please keep writing
I have to admit I too loved the vocabulary on this- I can see the image as well- i shall need to find a song for those words, to listen to as I read it. it's one of my hobbies- searching for musci that goes with a poem. Well enough talk- I think progresses is spelled wrong, but then again I'm not too good with double s's and c's and all that crud.
i loved the vocabulary, but the ending did not match the beauitful imagery of the poem. allow me to be informal and say that it demanded a bit more "ZAP" at the end than the sort of drifting ending you provided. otherwise, this is perfect. i enjoyed this the most: